Theme: Tournament

Tekken (2010) – Jon Foo, Ian Anthony Dale and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa

This movie begins looking like a poor level of production, as it starts to build the backstory of the dystopian world where the lead character, Jin Kazama – played adequately by Jon Foo (with vibes of Justin Chatwin from Dragonball Evolution the year before, or Michael J Fox from Back To The Future) – is constantly evading law enforcement just to put good food on the table.

When Jin’s mother dies, about 20 minutes in, and he enters the Iron Fist tournament in the Tekken estate that rules America in this dystopian world, the movie starts to come alive. In his trial to become the people’s champ, he fights Marshall Law (played by MMA champion turned moviestar Cung Le). In this bout we see many classic movies from the Tekken video game series, both on Jin Kazama’s side and on Martial Law’s side.

Naturally, people who used to play the Tekken game are going to be more into this movie than those who didn’t, and I used to be pretty good at Tekken 3 back in the day, but I quit playing PlayStation games when I became an adult! As a teenager and a master of fighting in Tekken I used to think how my life would be so much better if all the time spent mastering Tekken were spent mastering martial arts moves in real life instead. I did eventually get very good at martial arts in real life and I don’t have any regrets about quitting the PlayStation in my late teens – if anything, I should have quit computer games altogether including PC games which I wasted a lot of time on in my 20s & 30s. These days, in an effort to make better use of my time, I limit my gaming to a little bit of simple, timeless, non-addictive games like Chess (especially the Crazyhouse variant), and even Chess can be a waste of time according to arguably the most talented player of all time, Paul Morphy, who quit the game at an early age after famously saying something like “the ability to play chess is the sign of a gentleman; the ability to play chess well is the sign of a wasted life”.

Anyway, back to the Tekken movie. The fight scene energy is generally pretty good on top of being quite true to the characters’ signature moves in the game.

I haven’t generally been a fan of Luke Goss in the lead role of action movies – he just don’t seem convincing enough – but his role here as Jin’s old-school street-smart manager suits him very well.

If not for its extremely simplistic plot, and its generally mediocre level of actors, this movie could have easily been several levels better, but as it stands, it rate it Bang Average, and that’s even a bit generous considering its poor rewatchability until you’ve almost completely forgotten how it goes.

Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa does a decent job as Heihachi Mishima, leader of the Tekken empire until his son steals the throne, and his son Kazuya Mishima is played quite well by Ian Anthony Dale.

The lead female, Christie Monteiro, with whom Jin gets quite close, is played by the pretty but butch Kelly Overton who based on her physique, appearance, dress style and demeanor, I’d have guessed had a background in pro (pretend) wrestling. She’s not a bad actress and in terms of star power she’s probably a good match for Jon Foo, if not a little overpowering.

Sequel

If you enjoyed this movie, don’t miss its only sequel, Tekken II: Kazuya’s Revenge (2014) which is a different kind of action movie altogether, but still quite enjoyable if you’ve not seen it before or don’t remember how it goes.

Mortal Kombat (1995) – Christopher Lambert and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa

Mortal Kombat (1995)

Based on the very popular video game called Mortal Kombat, which at the time was in hot competition with Street Fighter, this incredibly cheesy movie is a classic combination of slightly cheap and very catchy. It’s no blockbuster and has no A-lister stars in lead roles (although the beautiful Talisa Soto (from Licence To Kill) plays a minor role here, as Princess Kitana) but it does have some very suitable cult icons in major roles such as Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa who plays the main antagonist (a sorcerer called Shang Tsung), and Christopher Lambert as Lord Raiden who is a mostly back-seat leader of the protagonists with outstanding magical powers but limited scope for using them (also spelt Rayden to avoid copyright issues with a 1990 arcade game called Raiden by Tecmo).

This movie is slightly one dimensional, as any movie would be on a less than blockbuster budget, and since it’s made in the 90s its CGI effects look cheap by today’s standards (don’t miss the remake from 2021); but this movie still does a pretty good job at sustaining attention by following a fantastical storyline, being consistently action packed, and having frequent bits of good humour in the intermittent quieter moments.

If you’re old enough to be a fan of the old Mortal Kombat video games, you’ll be extra fond of this movie series in a way that more recent generations just won’t understand.

Considering its unique balance of strengths and weaknesses I could make a case for rating this movie anywhere between Bang Average and Pretty Good, but we’ll go for Above Average in this instance, where it sits right at home with a lot of similarly super cool and very busy but somewhat shallow movies.

Everything lacking in this movie, such as modern effects and a bit more grounding, is kind of present in the 2021 remake, however, that movie lacks much of the cheesy iconography and coolness of this one. If we could somehow combine the best of both of them, we could easily end up with one of the best action movies ever made.

Bear in mind also, the role of Johnny Cage in the video game was originally intended for Jean-Claude Van Damme, but he ended up going elsewhere and eventually did a deal with the main rival video game Street Fighter and appeared in the film adaptation of that game alongside Kylie Minogue (who many years later he admitted to having an affair with during the making of that movie). Their chemistry was great and the movie was fun and the Street Fighter video game was kind of the more dominant one, but when it came to the movies, the Mortal Kombat movies were by far the best, so maybe Van Damme picked the wrong side! Anyway, Johnny Cage in this movie was played by someone seemingly random (Linden Ashby) with a bit of kickboxing type experience but nowhere near Van Damme’s physical talent or charismatic star power. He’s still good fun, but he’s no Van Damme.

Talisa Soto kind of stole the show here with her beauty even from her minor role and without a strong dance partner, while aside from that, Lambert & Tagawa stole the show with their incredibly cheesy charisma. Lambert especially is probably what’s most memorable about this movie. The special effects behind the likes of Raiden, Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Reptile & Goro are pretty good too, for a mid 90s movie. Their outfits are pretty good too. And the theme tune music is outstanding, when it appears, but it doesn’t appear often enough or varied enough for my liking – it’s an outstanding concept that deserves to be expanded on and utilised more in this movie, but this is only something proven by its long-running cult following over spanning many decades – it was probably not something so easily provable and commercially justifiable at the time of making this movie.

Other cast members include Robin Shou who played Liu Kang – probably the main protagonist here; Trevor Goddard who plays Kano, one of the antagonists, responsible for luring Sonya onto the boat and into the tournament; and then there’s Bridgette Wilson who plays Sonya Blade, a special forces operator who unwittingly ends up on the team of protagonists defending the realm of Earth.

Sequel

While Mortal Kombat (1995) was a generally respectable movie with a touch of B-movie cheese; its immediate sequel Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997) looks more like a straight B-movie. Continuing from the story at the end of the original, at first it’s nice to see the beautiful Talisa Soto returning in a more significant role here, but she’s kind of landed in the sh*t with this one. It’s a shame to see her lower herself to being present in this level of production – the cinematography is thoroughly unclassy and the script leaves much to be desired this time round. Literally none of the other actors returned except Robin Shou as a mediocre Liu Kang. I guess Lambert and Tagawa were either not interested or couldn’t be afforded, and that should tell us all we need to know about the quality of Annihilation. Considering how Lambert kept making the Highlander movies until they became unwatchably bad, it should come as no surprise that this movie is really quite unbearable at times since he’s been replaced by James Remar, who is not really a bad actor per se, but doesn’t have Lambert’s funky touch. I couldn’t help but fast forward through the very monotonous parts of this movie, of which there were many, thus I have to rate this one Barely Watchable, which is a massive step down from the original which I rated Above Average due to its impressive coolness on top of its respectable production level.

If you really want to enjoy another good Mortal Kombat movie, don’t miss the modern remake from 2021 which is no worse than the 1995 original. Don’t even bother with Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997) if you ask me, just give it a miss.

Sidekicks (1992) – Jonathan Brandis and Chuck Norris

This movie isn’t terrible boring, but the acting is incredibly poor & cheesy, from the dialog to the combat scenes it’s like a bunch of kids put it all together.

The basic concept is an interesting one but the acting and screen combat resemble what you’d expect from Power Rangers.

Jonathan Brandis plays a physically unfit boy struggling with asthma and constantly daydreaming about assisting Chuck Norris in wild battle scenes. Jonathan’s performance is so-so.

Chuck Norris plays the boy’s hero in his dreams, but also appears as his team mate in real life when the boy enters a karate tournament and needs an additional team mate. Chuck’s performance is so-so – I’m not his biggest fan and this is far from his best movie also.

Makoto ‘Mako’ Iwamatsu (from The Big Brawl, 1980) plays the old man from a Chinese restaurant who trains the boy to be a great martial artist. Make does a good job here I think. His role is a bit like Mr Miyagi from The Karate Kid. He’s the real star of this movie I think, although he’s officially the third main character at best – fourth according to the closing credits which ranks the boy’s dad much higher than I would.

Beau Bridges plays the boy’s dad and he gives a non memorable performance in my opinion. His role is really non descript here anyway.

Julia Nickson-Soul plays the boy’s teacher who is also the niece of the old man who trains him up, and the almost-girlfriend of the boy’s father. She does a decent job, I think.

Joe Piscopo plays the eccentrically angry teacher of the boy’s billy; the rival of Chuck Norris; and the leader of the main team who the heroes’ team is competing against. He does alright although his acting is super cheesy, like a cartoon supervillain brought to life.

Danica McKellar plays the boy’s crush and eventual girlfriend. Her performance is mediocre.

John Buchanan plays the main bully who challenges the movie’s main character to compete in the tournament. He gives a fair account of himself, a bit like his teacher did.

That’s all the significant characters in this movie.

I rate it Watchable, and even that’s a stretch considering it got quite boring in the middle, but it warmed up and became watchable again in the second half as the kid’s training became more serious and he accepted his bully’s challenge to compete in a tournament. This movie has shades of The Karate Kid on so many levels, but the cheesy acting and cheap cinematography here does not compare what we get from that classic.

The Karate Kid (2010) – Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith

Jackie Chan makes a decent attempt at remaking the classic movie from 1984, with a twist. This time it’s set in China and it’s all about Chinese Kung Fu, not Japanese Karate.

Jackie Chan plays the teacher (Mr Han, the maintenance man) quite well, and Jaden Smith does a decent job as the student (Dre Parker, the new kid in town, being bullied). Supporting cast range from average to pretty good. Zhenwei Wang does a good job as Cheng, the leader of the bullies in this movie, and Yu Rongguang does a good job as Master Li, the aggressive teacher of the bullies.

The movie starts out like a boring drama, slowly setting the scene as Jaden’s character and his mum move to China. It starts to become interesting after 10 minutes, as Jaden’s character meets the maintenance man (played by Jackie Chan). But it doesn’t become really good until 40 minutes in, when Jackie sees Jaden getting beaten up and then reveals himself as Kung Fu expert. From here it’s mostly good action and entertainment, with the exception of an excessively long sobbing drama scene around 90 minutes in. The last 20 minutes are pretty good, as the tournament begins, closely following the format of the original classic but with a few stylistic twists. The very ending is very good, in-keeping with the original.

Overall, not a bad movie to watch if you’re bored and haven’t seen this before or at least in the last few years. I give it a 7/10 because it’s a bit hard to relate to the pre-pubescent lead actor. This movie is nothing to shout about, but it’s not bad entertainment value either. It’s hard to go wrong with Jackie Chan. If not for the boring start and the lengthy sobbing scene it might deserve a 7.5 to match the original classic.

The Quest (1996) – Jean-Claude Van Damme and Roger Moore

The Quest (1996)

The Quest is an action packed, borderline slapstick adventure – or Quest – all about empty handed martial arts. It’s based on a very similar concept to Bloodsport, where a tournament decides who is the best fighter from all corners of the world, and has endless similarities with Bloodsport in terms of techniques and fighting styles, but with an added injection of great story and strong acting thanks to Roger Moore’s ever-excellent presence. The strong lead cast of The Quest makes it a convincing, enjoyable movie – just a little bit boring in the over-dragged-out final fight scene at the end, which can get monotonous for people who have seen this movie a few times before, even though the vast majority of the movie remains fun to watch every time.

If you enjoyed seeing a top martial arts action hero like Van Damme teaming up with a legend from James Bond like Roger Moore, you may also be interested in The Foreigner (2017) which sees Jackie Chan teaming up with Pierce Brosnan in what’s arguably the best performance of both their careers.

Bloodsport (1988) – Jean-Claude Van Damme

Bloodsport poster

ACTION BUSYNESS ⭐⭐⭐⭐
MOOD SETTING ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
SCRIPT COHESION ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
PLOT DENSITY ⭐⭐⭐⭐

This is easily one of Van Damme’s best movies, and in my opinion, it’s his very best. Bloodsport is a masterpiece of a martial arts movie. It seems to have had a great budget for its day, or was at least managed very well to cater for all departments efficiently. It has great acting by the Van Damme and pretty much all the extended supporting cast members too. It has a great story, albeit a simple one. It provides great entertainment throughout – it keeps busy and doesn’t have boring or over-predictable patches like Van Damme’s later direct-to-video style movies did. This movie was clearly made with love. Great soundtracks. Ample distinct highly entertaining scenes. The lead antagonist is played by Bolo Yeung from Bruce Lee’s ‘Enter The Dragon’ as he’s a highly credible martial artist with high talent in real life and has sufficient acting ability for the job (this is why he was chosen for a strong role in Bruce Lee’s highest-budget, last-completed movie).

Bloodsport could probably get a perfect 10/10 if it had one or two further outstanding actors in major supporting roles, and if its martial value was far more detailed & accurate (helping viewers learn a lot more about martial arts techniques & principles while watching). Van Damme in real life was a decent kickboxer – before he made his way into the movies, he earnt a living doing odd jobs including being a sparring partner for Chuck Norris. But he lacks the finer skills of Bruce Lee or even Steven Seagal. But he’s a good actor nevertheless – he put his heart into his roles.

If you’re a fan of martial arts movies, particularly Van Damme’s movies, and haven’t yet seen this one, you really need to catch up with this classic. It’s easily re-watchable every year or two.

Action wise, it’s not James Bond, but there’s a lot of fist fighting and a bit of running around. Plot wise, it’s quite zeroed in on a simple concept, but stays quite busy and works fantastically.

This movie was inspired by the alleged real life story of Frank Dux – a martial artist still living & teaching today, although his life story now appears to be almost certainly utterly bogus. I guess we can still thank him for his dodgy story having inspired one of the greatest martial arts movies ever made.

Watch it online

Until someone takes it down, you can currently watch the full movie online for free here.

Why this site is needed

When Bloodsport first came out, it received generally negative reviews by mainstream professional critics. Leonard Klady for the LA Times called it a “jungle of cliché” and a “reservoir of bad acting”. Rotten Tomatoes said “Bloodsport is a clichéd, virtually plotless exercise in action movie recycling”. Van Damme was even nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award for Worst New Star. But if you ask any modern action movie superstar who inspired them, and what are their favourite movies, there’s a high chance you’ll hear Van Damme and Bloodsport mentioned. In the past few months alone, I’ve heard some of Van Damme’s best classics including Bloodsport & Kickboxer namedropped as all-time favourites by Chris Hemsworth (on Hot Ones), Scott Adkins (on The Art Of Action), and even Carl Froch (on Froch On Fighting). Even my local taxi driver was quick to recommend the same movies. Surely this is proof enough, that it’s not just me who’s the anomaly. It’s actually the professional critics who are terribly out-of-touch. They’re commenting on a genre that they don’t understand. They should stick to criticising other genres, like slow drama, soppy romance and unpleasant horror, and leave the action hero movies to people better qualified to judge them – people who understand their purpose, and appreciate them enough to watch them regularly. People who really know what they’re talking about. People like you & me.