Theme: Kidnap

Diamonds Are Forever (1971) – Sean Connery

Diamonds Are Forever is Sean Connery’s last outing as James Bond, before the Roger Moore era began. Connery did come back one time, to make Never Say Never Again, 12 years later, independently of Eon Productions, but Diamonds Are Forever still marks the end of the main Connery-as-Bond era.

One of the most memorable scenes from this movie is when Bond steals a space buggy to make his escape through rocky desert terrain. This is followed by a charismatic car chase by cops which probably inspired similar scenes in the Roger Moore era – especially those in Live And Let Die (1973) which was Roger Moore’s first outing as James Bond and was the movie that immediately followed Diamonds Are Forever, so they probably took the interesting car chase from this movie and doubled down on the concept to make some epic chases in the next movie. It’s not so much the car chase itself that’s entertaining – it’s more the reaction of the cops in how they find Bond’s speeding & stunt-driving so cheeky & humiliating.

Another highly memorable scene from this movie, is when James kicks Blofeld’s cat, to see which of the two lookalikes the cat jumps to, so James knows which one to kill.

Another highly memorable scene from this movie, is when James enters a penthouse to find a kidnapped man and is confronted by two cute ladies named Bambi & Thumper who turn out to be highly acrobatic warrior women that proceed to beat him up until he eventually gets the better of them in the pool.

The main woman in this movie, Tiffany Case, is played fairly well by Jill St John. The main antagonist (Blofeld) is played this time quite well by Charles Gray. And of course Sean Connery does very well as always.

This movie is a bit one dimensional and void of creativity & excitement comparted to Goldfinger for example, but it’s not far from the usual standard expected from a Bond movie in the Connery era. I rate it an OK movie.

Dr No (1962) – Sean Connery and Ursula Andress

Dr No is a classy movie, thoughtfully made. It has more slow scenes and less exciting action than the best James Bond movies of all time, but with Connery’s charisma and the overall quality of production it still manages to sustain an action fan’s attention if he hasn’t seen this movie in at least the last few years.

This was Sean Connery’s first outing as James Bond, and was the first movie ever made in the entire James Bond franchise. This movie was followed by From Russia With Love (1963), then Goldfinger (1964) which is the highest rated Bond movie of all time according to the big mainstream review sites, but they rate Daniel Craig above Roger Moore and Timothy Dalton so what do they know! They’re neither understand nor appreciate what made James Bond the monster brand that it is today.

Dr No warms up nicely after about half an hour in, as James Bond identifies suspicious island called Crab Quay worth investigating in connection with his colleague’s murder. None of the local fisherman dare go near it, but Bond surely will.

As classy as it is, it still lacks the level of fast action that you’d expect from a strong modern movie – in this way it’s kind of like Bruce Lee’s last movie, Enter The Dragon – I guess this was the peak of what was produced in the 60s & 70s but by today’s standards I have to rate it just OK – no more, no less. It’s definitely at least a level or two below the best Bond movies by Roger Moore (who played Bond from the 70s till the mid 80s) and Timothy Dalton (in the late 80s). Budget may have also been a factor, since Dr No was also the lowest budget Bond movie by a long way, even after adjusting for inflation. The next movie – From Russia With Love – had twice the budget, after adjusting for inflation, then it was increased by the same amount again for the third movie, Goldfinger, and it pretty much kept going up with each next movie in the saga. So all things considered, they did a great job here.

Sean Connery‘s acting was superb, as the star of the show – a slick-talking, slick-moving MI6 agent who pretty much never puts a foot wrong. Near the start of this movie, James’s boss ‘M’ explicitly referred to MI6, but this was later dubbed over so what you’re likely to hear him say now is MI7 even though his lips are clearly saying MI6 still.

Ursula Andress played the lead female in this movie – a shell collecting woman called Honey Ryder – although she only appeared in the second hour. She did a fair job of it.

Earlier on, Zena Marshall did a decent job a double agent working as an administration assistant at the local agency.

And prior to that, Eunice Gayson played Sylvia quite adequately – she was the first significant female James Bond bumped into – initially at the casino, then they had a brief liaison after that.

Joseph Wiseman played the main villain, Dr No himself. He did a fair job of it.

Wake Of Death (2004) – Jean-Claude Van Damme

The pace of this movie is a bit slow. The drama and crying scenes are a bit longwinded. But we manage to build a good story within the first half an hour still. It’s an interesting story where a Chinese triad boss kills his wife, and his daughter sees it then runs away to America along with a bunch of other illegal Chinese immigrants. They all get found, and the girl gets taken in temporarily by a social worker who happens to be Van Damme’s wife. But the cops are bent – they help the girl’s father track her down, so he kills Van Dame’s wife but the child runs off along with Van Damme’s son. Now he’s trying to track them down – the temporarily adopted Chinese girl, along with his missing son, after finding his wife dead and his home watched by a bunch of Chinese men with guns. So it’s time to reconnect with the local mafia lifestyle that Van Damme recently retired from in order to find his son and seek vengeance for his wife’s murder.

About an hour in, there’s an explicit depiction of a man using a power drill to drill into a kidnapped cop’s arm, to make him talk, while Van Damme is asking him “who killed my wife”. This is an ugly scene but it’s kind of tolerable considering the circumstances in how such torture techniques are kind of warranted, considering how this cop was involved in the murder of Van Damme’s character’s wife. Still, it’s a bit unpleasant, and then the torture continues for several minutes more. These scenes would be condensed down and mostly replaced by other stuff in a better action movie, but the directors obviously have a passion for horror. They should keep it to themselves – it doesn’t belong in our genre.

The final action scene is quite longwinded and soul-less, letting down the whole movie which started off with a slightly interesting story. For this reason I have to rate this movie Watchable – no more. I even find myself fast-forwarding through much of the slower scenes here. After the first hour, this movie was on course for a Lower-OK rating, a bit better than those rated So-So, but after finishing the movie with its weak ending I have to rate it just Watchable – a bit worse than those rated So-So.

Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2009) – Jean-Claude Van Damme

The basic concept is a good one but the script and cinematography never catch fire, they seem a bit soul-less, a bit like a B movie. The UNISOLs are meant to be cold, not the whole movie.

This movie lacks any significant female role. It had potential for a bit of warmth with the introduction of a non-UNISOL soldier played very well by Mike Pyle, giving Andrei Arlovski‘s latest generation of UNISOL a run for his money. But just as Pyle was growing into his role he got killed off. Interesting plot twist at the very end though, as Pyle’s character appears to have been cloned to create a load of new UNISOLs – this whets the appetite for the fourth & final movie in the saga (Universal Soldier: Day Of Reckoning, 2012) which brings back Van Damme & Arlovski while also co-starring Scott Adkins, but unfortunately does not feature Pyle so the ending to Regeneration is a bit of phony cliffhanger.

Dolph Lundgren does well in his return to the Universal Soldier movie series, as of course does Jean-Claude Van Damme – the main star of every movie in the series except the last (Day Of Reckoning) where Adkins takes over as the main protagonist since Van Damme is getting quite old by this time (in his early 50s) while active soldiers in the real world are generally young (with elastic bodies and impressionable minds). It’s just a shame they’re working with a weak script and deadpan cinematography, so I can’t rate it higher than So-So even if the genre, stars and concept are all excellent.

Double Team (1997) – Jean-Claude Van Damme

This movie gets started with a cocktail of unpleasantries, from extreme queer exhibitionism to crying babies.

But it gets interesting shortly after 20 mins in, when Jean-Claude Van Damme gets essentially kidnapped by the agency he worked for, after disobeying a direct order. He’s held on a mysterious prison island and presented with the choice of keep working from a tight leash else be killed immediately. He manages to escape, and goes after the man who kidnapped his wife & child, with the help of his heavily pierced weird friend played by Dennis Rodman. Mickey Rourke plays the main antagonist in this movie. That’s all the significant characters already.

I rate it somewhere between So-So and OK, due to its balance of strengths and weaknesses. The last quarter an hour can get particularly boring for people who have seen this movie a few times before, even if not in the last few years.

Black Eagle (1988) – Sho Kosugi and Jean-Claude Van Damme

This is one of Jean-Claude Van Damme‘s first movies – it was released just a few months after Bloodsport, in 1988. But Sho Kosugi is the real focus of this movie – Van Damme is only a supporting cast member.

The plot is very basic – it’s like a thinned-out very early James Bond movie with less of a star and less of a script. Still, it’s not unentertaining – it is Watchable, once in a blue moon. It’s mildly entertaining if you’re terribly bored and lack anything better to do or watch.

Sho Kosugi’s real sons (Kane & Shane) also take key roles, as his kidnapped sons in this movie.

Van Damme plays a Russian secret agent with slick back hair and a very similar demeanour to his character in No Retreat, No Surrender.

Sho Kosugi plays the CIA’s best secret agent, tasked with recovering weapons technology from an underwater plane wreckage in Malta. The Russians are trying to beat him to it.

Universal Soldier: The Return (1999) – Van Damme, Goldberg and Michael Jai White

This movie offers a novel twist on the already creative concept established in the original, while also featuring strong new co-stars in Bill Goldberg and Michael Jai White. This is actually the fourth movie in the Universal Soldier franchise, but the second & third did not feature Jean-Claude Van Damme or anyone else of note (the main protagonist in both was Matt Battaglia) so you’ll be forgiven for watching the first movie then jumping straight to this one – the fourth.

We don’t see enough of wrestling superstar Goldberg in this kind fast action movie – he makes a very convincing tough guy. Plus, this is easily one of Michael Jai White’s better performances – the robotic superiority-complex role matches his real life demeanour.

Overall I rate this a Decent movie – it’s a bit less of a revelation than the original but still quite creative with a fresh new concept, and features multiple action superstars, but on the downside the plot is a bit one dimensional – the script could have easily been developed more to make it an even better movie. There are multiple females in this movie, including a reporter and a fellow UNISOL, but none of them are particularly worth mentioning – they all deliver bland performances.

Fun fact: this was actually Van Damme’s last widely-released-in-cinemas English-language movie until 2 and a half decades later, when he released Darkness Of Man in 2024 (excluding movies where he wasn’t the main star, such as The Expendables 2 in 2012). Maybe he wasn’t totally playing ball with Hollywood’s sickest shenanigans, but they eventually rewarded him for keeping quiet during the deceptions of the 2020 era? Or maybe his movies had only a small niche audience? The fact that Inferno (1999) had only a limited cinematic released is odd, and the fact that The Order (2001) went direct to video is outrageous.

Further Sequels

If you enjoyed the original Universal Soldier movie from 1992, as well as this one – Universal Soldier: The Return – from 1999, which is the second one starring Van Damme; then you’ll be pleased to know there are a couple more decent Universal Soldier movies to enjoy after this one.

Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2009) rekindles the rivalry between Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, then they both come back again for Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (2012) with the addition of Scott Adkins as the main protagonist in the final movie. Both of these movies from 2009 & 2012 also make a significant role for Andrei Arlovski, the former UFC heavyweight champion who still holds the record for the most wins in UFC heavyweight history to this day.

The Chase (1994) – Charlie Sheen

This is not a non-plot movie, but it’s pretty much the next simplest thing. The plot of this action comedy could hardly be more one-dimensional if it tried. From start to finish, it’s a single car chase. Not much happens during this chase, except the gradual falling in love, between the wrongly accused bank robber turned car thief and kidnapper (played excellently by Charlie Sheen) and the bratty car owner and kidnap victim (played quite well by Kristy Swanson). Strong supporting actors include Henry Rollins who plays an enthusiastic cop on their tail, and Rocky Carroll who plays a helicopter based camera-holding journalist on their tail. Incredibly, due to the excellent script detail, even though the skeleton of the plot could not be more simple, and due to the outstanding acting by Charlie Sheen and some of his supporting cast members, this movie is actually constantly entertaining from start to finish – a good watch if you haven’t seen it before, or in the last decade or so, but definitely one to miss if you’ve seen it within the last few years since it offers minimal value to frequent rewatchers.

There’s not really any martial arts in this movie except the odd gun-oriented standoff, and the odd whiff of car-based escape strategy, but it appeals fair enough to action junkies who haven’t seen it before or in a long time.

Mechanic: Resurrection (2016) – Jason Statham and Jessica Alba

Mechanic: Resurrection (2016) starring Jason Statham

This movie is a little bit more interesting than the original, with a better plot and a better supporting cast.

Jason Statham is in his element here, as an assassin tasked with overcoming more adversity this time round than before. He’s given a series of difficult assassination missions to complete in order to save his girlfriend who is being held hostage.

Jessica Alba plays his girlfriend – she does a solid job in this lead female role.

Tommy Lee Jones also does very well in his supporting role that has only a small amount of screen time towards the end of the movie.

Sam Hazeldine does a decent job as the chief baddie in this movie.

Michelle Yeoh performs adequately, albeit with a snotty nose, as a friend of Statham’s character who looks after a resort where he keeps a safe house – she gets a good amount of screen time.

All in all, I rate Mechanic Resurrection (2016) one or two levels higher than the original Mechanic (2011) due to the improved plot and the improved supporting cast. It’s always nice to see a sequel outperform the original, considering it’s usually the other way round.