Theme: Doomsday

Battleship (2012) – Taylor Kitsch, Liam Neeson and Rihanna

Battleship (2012)

This movie is allegedly based on the Hasbro game called Battleship although it doesn’t seem overly affected by this.

The first half an hour is dedicated to building the backstory, although it doesn’t go far into the past – it’s all fairly recent history. This part of the movie has a bit of mild action and a bit of lighthearted drama – nothing too serious, and mildly entertaining. It’s pushing the miliary angle quite hard, but aside from that, it’s not a bad start to the movie – decent actors, decent cinematography, decent props, decent budget, etc.

Liam Neeson plays a US Navy admiral, and Rihanna plays a petty officer – they’re both strong supporting cast members but neither of them are the main character in this movie. The true star of this movie is Taylor Kitsch (with vibes like a cross between Chris Pine, Tom Cruise and Charlie Sheen) who plays Lieutenant Alex Hopper – a troublesome young Navy officer whose higher ranking brother, Commander Stone Hopper, convinced him to join the Navy for discipline purposes, but it didn’t quite work out. He’s about to be kicked out of the Navy pretty soon, but then something happens which changes everything.

On the first half an hour mark, things really kick in, and this movie becomes quite exciting, as alien ships find their way to Earth, and the whole thing is depicted with a good level of realism – well grounded yet with good cinematics, without skimping on budget. It’s actually quite creative and smart in its depictions of alien technology, and the visual special effects are pretty strong. The music and sound effects are strong too. Hollywood went all out with this one, in a conservative way. They seem to have been playing with a non extravagant budget and succeeding in being emotive without being soppy or projecting beta-male vibes, thus appealling very well to kind of people they’re probably trying to win over – to recruit into the military or at least think positively of it.

There’s also a good level of mystery sustained for some time from this moment on. 20 minutes later, Alex Hopper becomes the highest ranking officer in charge of the last remaining destroyer in a weird twist of fate since he was on the verge of being kicked out of the Navy – now all eyes and pressure are on him.

On the 1 hour mark, we meet these alien creatures up close & personal for the first time – not just their spaceships or communications or weapons technology, but we see the face of one of them. Hopper gets touched on the forehead by one, and their minds exchange thoughts for a few seconds. Then their friends come and extract the captured injured alien, but Hopper already knows their intention to take over the world, which gives him a new lease of life to prevent it.

Some of the best moments include when they take out an alien ship by shining sunlight in their eyes; when the last destroyer sinks and they man an old battleship with the help of some old veterans; when they sail that battleship with fancy manoeuvres to trick the aliens before taking out their mothership; and when the friendly jets appear at the end to save them from dying, since they’ve already managed to take out the mothership controlling the forcefield. Although it’s an incredibly one dimensional concept – very minimal in terms of plot – this movie still succeeds in entertaining very well, pretty much from start to finish, at least for those who haven’t seen it before recently enough to remember roughly how it goes. It does of course offer very little for rewatchers who can’t wait long enough to forget the key features of the simple storyline.

With all this in mind, I’m going to rate this a Decent movie – just one level down from the likes of Thor which has a more elaborate plot. This puts it on a par with the best James Bond movie ever made – The Living Daylights – from an action hero movie junkie’s perspective. Because I can’t think of a more powerful Navy oriented action hero movie in modern times. But I caution against rewatching it too soon because the appeal will be massively reduced that way, due to the extremely one-dimensional plot.

Mortal Kombat (2021) – Lewis Tan

Mortal Kombat (2021)

This movie gets off to a dark, gritty start that’s quite hard to watch; but this may be a necessary evil to build up towards what happens later in the movie. It’s definitely focused more on the gritty side, than the coolness, compared to the original, but it makes use of modern sound and visual effects for a deeper impact than the original movie from 1995 which was very cool but lacked seriousness, depth & grounding. This movie has a generally higher quality of production than the original, even if a less cool plot, and it has a higher quality of acting generally, even if the characters are less funky. Overall there’s a much more serious tone this time round, but that doesn’t mean it lacks cool effects, it’s just very careful and conservative with their use, and makes a real statement any time the special effects come out.

Throughout the first half hour this movie’s plot develops nicely – it gets increasingly intriguing and you end up kind of hooked. By 25 minutes in, things have become quite clear – we can see who the star of the show is, and some of the other main characters, and what general direction the movie is taking.

45 mins in, things get a bit dark & depressing again. The dark patches continue to be mixed in with uplifting elements for a good half an hour until everyone fights and the lead character’s powers come out for the first time, which is closely followed by the same thing happening to his comrade Jax, then things start to get quite exciting again. The lead character in this movie is not Liu kang this time, although he is a major supporting character here. The lead character this time round is Cole Young (played quite well by Lewis Tan) – a descendant of Scorpion whose entire bloodline was thought to be killed by Sub-Zero but one baby remained, looked after by Raiden, then Scorpion came back from the dead to help his descendant defeat Sub-Zero in the 90th minute, helping to create an epic final battle.

The cast is comprised of a mix between strong, weak and mediocre actors. Strong actors here, aside from Lewis Tan in the lead role, include Joe Taslim playing Sub-Zero very well, and Hiroyuki Sanada playing Scorpion quite well too. Josh Lawson also does a decent job as Kano, and Mehcad Brooks is not bad in the role of Jax.

Raiden (leader of the good guys), Shang Tsung (leader of the bad guys), Liu Kang (good guy) and Sonya Blade (good girl) are all key characters here too, but their respective actors didn’t impress me. Random stuntmen could have probably done their jobs just as good if not better.

Considering its strengths and highs, I’m going to rate this movie generously, scoring it Pretty Good, which puts it a couple of levels above the original – a serious accomplishment. Now imagine if the four key characters listed above had much stronger actors playing those roles – I’d have to rate it even better, and it would be pretty close to the level of the best action movies ever made.

Mortal Kombat (1995) – Christopher Lambert and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa

Mortal Kombat (1995)

Based on the very popular video game called Mortal Kombat, which at the time was in hot competition with Street Fighter, this incredibly cheesy movie is a classic combination of slightly cheap and very catchy. It’s no blockbuster and has no A-lister stars in lead roles (although the beautiful Talisa Soto (from Licence To Kill) plays a minor role here, as Princess Kitana) but it does have some very suitable cult icons in major roles such as Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa who plays the main antagonist (a sorcerer called Shang Tsung), and Christopher Lambert as Lord Raiden who is a mostly back-seat leader of the protagonists with outstanding magical powers but limited scope for using them (also spelt Rayden to avoid copyright issues with a 1990 arcade game called Raiden by Tecmo).

This movie is slightly one dimensional, as any movie would be on a less than blockbuster budget, and since it’s made in the 90s its CGI effects look cheap by today’s standards (don’t miss the remake from 2021); but this movie still does a pretty good job at sustaining attention by following a fantastical storyline, being consistently action packed, and having frequent bits of good humour in the intermittent quieter moments.

If you’re old enough to be a fan of the old Mortal Kombat video games, you’ll be extra fond of this movie series in a way that more recent generations just won’t understand.

Considering its unique balance of strengths and weaknesses I could make a case for rating this movie anywhere between Bang Average and Pretty Good, but we’ll go for Above Average in this instance, where it sits right at home with a lot of similarly super cool and very busy but somewhat shallow movies.

Everything lacking in this movie, such as modern effects and a bit more grounding, is kind of present in the 2021 remake, however, that movie lacks much of the cheesy iconography and coolness of this one. If we could somehow combine the best of both of them, we could easily end up with one of the best action movies ever made.

Bear in mind also, the role of Johnny Cage in the video game was originally intended for Jean-Claude Van Damme, but he ended up going elsewhere and eventually did a deal with the main rival video game Street Fighter and appeared in the film adaptation of that game alongside Kylie Minogue (who many years later he admitted to having an affair with during the making of that movie). Their chemistry was great and the movie was fun and the Street Fighter video game was kind of the more dominant one, but when it came to the movies, the Mortal Kombat movies were by far the best, so maybe Van Damme picked the wrong side! Anyway, Johnny Cage in this movie was played by someone seemingly random (Linden Ashby) with a bit of kickboxing type experience but nowhere near Van Damme’s physical talent or charismatic star power. He’s still good fun, but he’s no Van Damme.

Talisa Soto kind of stole the show here with her beauty even from her minor role and without a strong dance partner, while aside from that, Lambert & Tagawa stole the show with their incredibly cheesy charisma. Lambert especially is probably what’s most memorable about this movie. The special effects behind the likes of Raiden, Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Reptile & Goro are pretty good too, for a mid 90s movie. Their outfits are pretty good too. And the theme tune music is outstanding, when it appears, but it doesn’t appear often enough or varied enough for my liking – it’s an outstanding concept that deserves to be expanded on and utilised more in this movie, but this is only something proven by its long-running cult following over spanning many decades – it was probably not something so easily provable and commercially justifiable at the time of making this movie.

Other cast members include Robin Shou who played Liu Kang – probably the main protagonist here; Trevor Goddard who plays Kano, one of the antagonists, responsible for luring Sonya onto the boat and into the tournament; and then there’s Bridgette Wilson who plays Sonya Blade, a special forces operator who unwittingly ends up on the team of protagonists defending the realm of Earth.

Sequel

While Mortal Kombat (1995) was a generally respectable movie with a touch of B-movie cheese; its immediate sequel Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997) looks more like a straight B-movie. Continuing from the story at the end of the original, at first it’s nice to see the beautiful Talisa Soto returning in a more significant role here, but she’s kind of landed in the sh*t with this one. It’s a shame to see her lower herself to being present in this level of production – the cinematography is thoroughly unclassy and the script leaves much to be desired this time round. Literally none of the other actors returned except Robin Shou as a mediocre Liu Kang. I guess Lambert and Tagawa were either not interested or couldn’t be afforded, and that should tell us all we need to know about the quality of Annihilation. Considering how Lambert kept making the Highlander movies until they became unwatchably bad, it should come as no surprise that this movie is really quite unbearable at times since he’s been replaced by James Remar, who is not really a bad actor per se, but doesn’t have Lambert’s funky touch. I couldn’t help but fast forward through the very monotonous parts of this movie, of which there were many, thus I have to rate this one Barely Watchable, which is a massive step down from the original which I rated Above Average due to its impressive coolness on top of its respectable production level.

If you really want to enjoy another good Mortal Kombat movie, don’t miss the modern remake from 2021 which is no worse than the 1995 original. Don’t even bother with Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997) if you ask me, just give it a miss.

Transformers 7: Rise Of The Beasts (2023) – Anthony Ramos

This movie gets off to a messy start, but builds up an intriguing plot with some interesting characters by the end of the first half hour. Unfortunately though, the creativity soon dries up, the momentum dies down, and the quality dwindles. There are some interesting bits throughout, but it’s too few & far between for this movie to rank alongside the best Transformers movies (like the first and the fifth) – instead it ranks barely better than the worst (the 3rd and the 6th). I’d probably say it’s the third worst in the series, which makes it the fifth best, and I’m going to give it a Bang Average rating by the skin of its teeth – helped by the very ending which was not bad.

The new lead cast member – Anthony Ramos playing Noah Diaz – has great potential, but his demeanour in this movie is all too frequently gaumless when he’s not being too hot-headed. And his co-star girlfriend, Dominique Fishback playing Elena Wallace, is no better – the look on her face when trying to save the world is like that of a lazy low-IQ teenager who’s just been asked to do some household chores by her mother. Through these lead cast members, the script of this movie pushes some very shallow-minded approaches to dealing with emotional problems. Contrary to what this movie is teaching our kids, chanting sports terminology like ‘home team’ is not a meaningful message to deliver or a good way to spend the last few seconds of one’s life, and reciting your legal name and postal address is not serious solution for an identity crisis and lack of self-belief. Hasbro just can’t help themselves when it comes to setting terrible examples of leadership and emotional problem solving via their Transformers movies, and instilling disfunctional mindsets in our youth.

One of the coolest things in this movie is how the Autobot Transformer called Mirage, being nearly dead, gave all his kit to Noah who wore it like an Iron Man suit, which combined with his soldiering skills turned him into a top player on the battlefield. Albeit clearly part of a broader military recruitment push – a card which was played very hard at the end of the movie after the final battle was done; it was still a cool scene when it happened.

Transformers 5: The Last Knight (2017) – Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins and Laura Haddock

There’s a bit of a Tomb Raider or Indiana Jones vibe to this movie, which kicks in shortly after the first hour is done. The whole movie goes on for 2 and a half hours.

It’s good to see the return of Mark Wahlberg in the lead role, as Cade Yeager. This movie also features Anthony Hopkins as a supporting cast member called Sir Edmond Burton – he’s neither in a very major nor very minor role, but somewhere in between, and is listed second in the cast list in the closing credits, probably in part due to his level of fame. It’s good to see Josh Duhamel back as Colonel William Lennox. And the lead female this time called Viviane Wembley is played by Laura Haddock – she’s probably the best lead female in a Transformers movie thus far.

The best part of the movie is probably when Mark’s character cunjures a sword for himself long with the power to stop the swinging sword of one of the Earth-guardian transformers, thus saving Optmus Prime’s life when they’re about to execute him for betrayal even though he’s already realised his mistake. At that point, the guardians see Mark’s character has the amulet of King Arthur and they immediately recognise him as their leader. This only lasts a few seconds, but it’s probably the best part of the movie. The next best parts don’t last long either, which makes this movie quite thin considering it’s 2-and-a-half hours long. For this reason, even though this is one of the better Transformers movies – possibly even the best one to date – at least about as good as the first two – I’d still rate it pretty much Bang Average – on a par with most of the others, because the difference isn’t significant enough to justify distinct ratings, and the density of this one isn’t enough to justify a score of Above Average.

All Transformers movies ranked (up to this point)

If I had to rank all transformers movies thus far, I think I’d go 5, 4, 1, 2, 3. I’m confident in saying that movie 1 is slightly better than movie 2, and also that 5 is slightly better than 4, and that 3 is comfortably the worst of them all. But when it comes to 5 vs 1, that’s more of a style preference – do you prefer the originality of the movies 1 & 2, where the core concepts were first coined, or do you prefer the more powerful cast, magnificent script and less childish acting from movies 4 & 5? I’m tempted to go with the latter but it’s not a clear-cut decision by any means.

Dragonball: Evolution (2009) – Justin Chatwin, Chow Yun-Fat and Jamie Chung

Although a bit juvenile, this is still a bit of a fun movie. It’s very lighthearted and cheesy – lacking any weight that would make it a better movie, but it’s still not bad, it’s just a bit Below Average in my opinion.

Justin Chatwin stars as Goku whose mission it is to find all 7 Dragon Balls before the upcoming eclipse, in order to save the world. Along the way he makes a few friends, who form the core team – namely Master Roshi played by Chow Yun-Fat, plus Bulma played by Emmy Rossum, Yamcha played by Joon Park, and Chi Chi played by Jamie Chung.

Considering the calibre of core cast members, the star power of this movie is not at all bad, but due to the nature of the movie being so childish, lighthearted, cheesy and unserious – borderline satirical even – I have to rate it slightly Below Average over all. Worth watching once in a blue moon when you’re particularly bored and want something lighthearted but action-packed and a little bit childish.

This movie also has a strong martial arts theme – especially a strong Kung Fu theme – but it strays far too comfortably into the realm of no-touch powers, especially when it comes to the kamehameha かめはめ波 just like in the Dragon Ball manga series that this film adaptation is based on.

Interesting plot twist towards the end, when we realise the demon Osiris is actually hiding inside Goku himself.

Transformers 4: Age Of Extinction (2014) – Mark Wahlberg

Transformers: Age Of Extinction (2014) is the fourth movie in the Transformers movie series. It has a better lead cast member in Mark Wahlberg, and its plot has a better level of originality & intrigue than the previous movie in the series. It’s also a bit more grown up – a bit less childish than those before it, at least to begin with, and not by much.

The final battle scene drags on a bit, much like the last movie, but I guess it’s a bit more multi-faceted this time.

I’m disappointed in how Optimus Prime convinced the old dinosaur transformers to help him – by telling them he will kill them if they don’t. What kind of leadership skills is this movie trying to teach our youth? What kind of a world is Hasbro trying to create with this type of tripe?

The tedius ending and the awful example of supposedly benevolent leadership, along with multiple instances of inappropriate, low-IQ emotional outbursts, come together to bring this movie back down to being roughly on a par with first couple of Transformers movies, although it’s still comfortably a bit better than the 3rd.

X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) – Michael Fassbender and Sophie Turner

X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

This movie gets off to a good start. It seems better coordinated, more focused, and more consistently captivating than any other X-Men movie to date. So while I’ve rated every other as around about Bang Average, I have to say this is a few clear levels better. Indeed, for now I’m going to rate it Pretty Good, alongside Black Adam – a movie to which this one bears a striking resemblance. The ending was particularly strong here (much like in Black Adam), but the plot building up to that was also quite cohesive, and the drama was quite well balanced with action throughout. It’s not trying to do too many things at once, like previous X-Men movies have often been guilty of; and it’s not stuck between genres like Wolverine (2013) was for example, since that more depressing vibes and the horror factor was hitting home a lot more, while in this movie the dark forces are much more grandiose – much less raw & uncomfortable – thus making it more digestible for a smoother entertainment experience.

Jean Grey is the main hero of this movie, and Famke Janssen no longer plays that role – she’s played by Sophie Turner here and will continue in that role for Dark Phoenix (2019) although that movie is relatively disappointing. Sophie Turner is not the only cast member who’s been replaced either – Storm, Nightcrawler and Angel are played by new actors here too, for example. Several familiar characters have returned though, such as James McAvoy‘s Professor X, and Michael Fassbender‘s Magneto, and Jennifer Lawrence‘s Mystique, Nicholas Hoult‘s Beast, and Evan Peters‘ Quicksilver (who is revealed in this movie to be Magneto’s son, unbeknown to Magneto himself).

The main antagonist is an ancient Egyptian mutant – the first ever mutant – with strong telekinetic powers, who’s been brought back to life from his tomb, within a collapsed pyramid, where he’s been kind of comatose for thousands of years. He’s called Apocalypse and is played quite well by Oscar Isaac.

Sequels

Next up in the X-Men saga, is Logan (2017) – another spin-off Wolverine-focused movie – which we got a little teaser for at the end of this movie, after the closing credits. Then after that, there’s Dark Phoenix (2019) – zeroing in on Sophie Turner’s Jean Grey aka Phoenix or Dark Phoenix. That movie bears a striking resemblance to Captain Marvel (2019) which was also made by Marvel, released shortly before Dark Phoenix and was Marvel’s first ever female-led movie which had been in planning for many years prior to its release. Captain Marvel is part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), so that character is also featured in Avengers: Endgame (2019); while Dark Phoenix is a character within the X-Men cinematic universe which includes several Wolverine and Deadpool spin-offs but doesn’t ever overlap with the MCU for some reason.

Guardians Of The Galaxy: Volume 2 (2017) – Chris Pratt and Kurt Russell

Continuing the jovial musical theme from the last movie, Guardians Of The Galaxy: Volume 2 begins with a bit of similar music and the appearance of Kurt Russell as Peter Quill’s dad. Although the vibe is lighthearted it makes an interesting early plot development and of course it’s very cool to see Kurt Russell involved this time round, working alongside Chris Pratt – or against him, as the movie unfolds. Both are outstanding actors. Two of my favourite action hero movie stars, coming from different generations.

The second scene is overwhelmed by jovial musical and dancing too, as this movie is beginning to look very childish and uninteresting, but we’ll give it the benefit of the doubt for a while since it’s still gradually rolling through the opening credits.

Before the end of the first half hour we see Kurt Russell as Ego Quill introduce himself to his son, and we see Silvester Stallone make an appearance as the head of the 100 clans of Ravagers, of which Yondu leads the only one that Sly’s character is displeased with and has exiled. Stallone has an extremely minor role in this movie, but it’s good to see him nevertheless. Russll has a major role in this movie, and it’s a shame to see him turn out to be the main antagonist, but it was kind of entertaining.

Chris Pratt has gained a little weight since the first Guardians movie – but it’s not a big deal – he still has plenty of character for doing a good job in his range of roles ranging from action to drama to humour to weirdness. His weight is actually the butt of a joke in his next outing – Avengers: Infinity War (2018) – so when Guardians 2 was released in 2017 and they were writing the script to Avengers 2018 they probably clocked on to the same thing I clocked on to, but by then Chris had actually lost a little weight so the joke didn’t work so well.

Although this movie goes on for over a couple of hours, it still seems a bit one-dimensional, as if it would benefit from another 30-45 minutes to add another layer of rich plot to the movie.

Overall, I rate it just about OK – no more, no less.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) – Robert Downey Jr and Chris Hemsworth

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) by Marvel Studios

The first 10 minutes are quite action packed, although more on the theatrical drama side than fast action for the most part. These early scenes do a decent job of establishing Thanos as a potentially awesome antagonist – significantly stronger than the Hulk and wielding better control of the energetic world than the magician that is Loki – Thor’s adoptive brother and the main antagonist from the second Avengers movie.

This sets the tone nicely for what’s to come in the rest of the movie, which generally has a higher quality and better consistency of action and much better plot than previous Avengers movies.

This movie has some great humour in places. The action is a bit muddled like the previous Avengers movies, but is better coordinated such that this is clearly the best of them thus far. It’s not quite on a par with the first Thor movie. It even falls slightly short of lesser but still Decent movies in the MCU like Iron Man, Doctor Strange and Black Panther. But it’s got the most clear direction, focus and script coordination of all the groupie Avengers movies thus far. As such I rate it Above Average, which is still an accomplishment.

To say this movie ends on a cliffhanger is probably an understatement. The whole movie can be likened to hanging on the edge of a cliff, then it ends with a big splatter where half of everyone in the universe instantly dies (at the click of Thanos’ fingers). Quite a strange negative note to end on – probably setting us up for the next Avengers movie, called Endgame, released in 2019 – a year when something else, no less depressing, begins to be unveilled in the real world, spawning rumours of similar levels of deaths due any time now. Coincidence much?

As usual, in this Avengers movie there’s a large number of superhero characters working together. The team battling Thanos – the main antagonist, played by Josh Brolin with the help of ample CGI and makeup – includes: Tony Stark aka Iron Man played by Robert Downey Jr; Captain America played by Chris Evans; Bruce Banner aka The Hulk played by Mark Ruffalo; Thor played by Chris Hemsworth whose scenes are probably the best of all scenes in this movie; Natasha Romanoff aka Black Widow (played by Scarlett Johansson); Spider-Man played by Tom Holland; The Scarlet Witch played by Elizabeth Olsen – her powers are pretty cool too, but seem underplayed by this movie; Vision played by Paul Bettany whose powers also seem underplayed; Doctor Strange played by Benedict Cumberbatch; Chris Pratt as Star-Lord along with the rest of his team from the Guardians Of The Galaxy movie series; and Chadwick Boseman as the Black Panther along with several of his colleagues from the Wakanda. And that’s not nearly all the significant actors in this movie but we’ll be here all day if we try to name them all so that’ll do for now – its easy to look up the rest of them, or just view the poster or watch the trailer and see who they’re feel play the most significant roles here.

Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015) – Robert Downey Jr and Elizabeth Olsen

Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015)

This movie tells the tale of an AI being, determined to kill all life on Earth, and the Avengers try to stop it. These Avengers include those we’ve met before, plus a few new ones.

Doubling down on the mind-control theme from the first Avengers movie where Loki was able to turn Hawkeye into his puppet and caused everyone else to argue among themselves; this movie sees Loki’s sceptre used to create a woman (played adequately by Elizabeth Olsen) with the ability to trap people’s minds in their own worst nightmares, and when she eventually becomes an Avenger she starts throwing red Chi Balls around with her mind. Her normal name is Wanda Maximoff but she’s due to eventually become known as The Scarlet Witch (the main antagonist in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, 2022). Only the AI antagonist called Ultron is immune to her mind control powers in this movie, and becomes her leader early on. As a result, all the superheroes start daydreaming and living out their worst nightmares – a sneaky way to bring an extra large dose of horror, or at least irritation, to our screens. This, combined with a much larger helping of slow & muddled drama throughout, means I can’t rate this movie any higher than Bang Average, on a par with Guardians Of The Galaxy from the year before.

Disappointingly but unsurprisingly, they’ve also doubled down on fighting among themselves (even when not mind controlled). It’s like an episode of Eastenders on steroids. Not what a smooth action hero movie connoisseur really wants to sit through. But there are some good bits of course. There’s even a good bit of humour once or twice.

Like most Avengers movies, Robert Downey Jr playing Tony Stark and Iron Man is probably the main character here. Chris Hemsworth has some good screen time as Thor, but not as much as I’d like, and Chris Evans has a lot of screen time as Captain America – probably more than I’d like. Samuel L Jackson makes a strong contribution as always, playing Nick Fury, the Director of SHIELD. Mark Ruffalo puts in a curious performance as Bruce Banner and The Hulk. Scarlett Johansson puts in a decent performance as Natasha Romanoff, although not as strong as her appearance in Iron Man 2 when she seemed younger and more energetic. There were many more significant characters besides these ones too.

Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014) – Chris Pratt, Dave Bautista and Zoë Saldaña

This move gets off to a bad start, with a boring-come-irritating drama scene that attempts to conjure up a traumatic experience while building a backstory for the main character. Fortunately this only lasts a few minutes, and then the better stuff gets underway.

Chris Pratt (with vibes of Seann William Scott) stars as Peter Quill – the main man in this movie. He’s a fun character with convincing acting, and carries the occasional moment of humour very well too.

Dave Bautista adds substantial value as a strong powerful ally called Drax The Destroyer, although he gets beaten easily by the main antagonist called Ronan – himself played quite well by Lee Pace with a massive dose of CGI and masking up so much that we can’t really see who he is.

Zoë Saldaña (star of Colombiana, 2011) is the main female in this movie. She’s a green woman called Gamora, and a trained killer. She joins the team of misfits, to save the galaxy, and has the odd moment of romance with Chris Pratt’s character. Her performance is adequate but nothing outstanding. She wears heavy makeup including some bits to make her look less human.

Michael Rooker plays Yondu, the head of the Ravagers, quite well.

Bradley Cooper provides the voice of Rocket, the bounty hunting raccoon; and Vin Diesel provides the voice of Groot, the talking, walking warrior tree.

Considering the ratio of tedious drama to exciting action, the ratio of easy viewing to irritating viewing, the general quality of acting, the half-smooth half-muddled script, and the general strength of cinematography, I have to rate this movie Bang Average, on a par with Captain America 1 and 2.

But if Chris Pratt had some kind of super power or incredible talent that made him special, and the main crew were not a bunch of weird alien misfits, this movie could have more of a classical superhero vibe, but as it stands it’s far more casual than exciting (when it’s not a noisy mess of drama). Although it has the odd bit of good action and the odd bit of good humour, it’s hard to get behind the main characters, some of whom are not even human, and most are weird looking beastly aliens with bright red, blue or green skin. I wouldn’t even call it childish, I’d call it too goofy or wacky-minded to relate to, and too nonchalant to really get behind. Thus, although some parts belong in a much more highly rated movie, the overall production is so full of pros & cons, it ultimately boils down to a Bang Average action hero movie by Marvel Studios. Having said that, after a long tedious patch, the ending is pretty strong and shows the specialness in Pratt’s character Peter Quill for the first time, as well as another level of ability in his main comrades (Saldaña’s Gamora, Bautista’s Drax and Cooper’s raccoon) as they’re officially dubbed the Guardians Of The Galaxy by the main antagonist, Ronan. Question is, why so late? Why suffer two hours of weak drama for one strong ending? There should have been more bits like that, to prevent this movie getting lost between genres and never surpassing mediocrity in either genre. With a few more scenes like that, this movie could have easily gone up several rating levels.

Credit also goes to Josh Brolin who barely recognisably plays Thanos (with the help of ample makeup & CGI) – the most powerful being in the universe, and Ronan’s boss (until Ronan acquired the infinity stone). Prior to Guardians, Thanos also appeared in Avengers (2012) where he was played by Damion Poitier instead; then Josh Brolin took over the role of Thanos for every subsequent movie until Avengers: Endgame (2019) where he dies.

Sequels

Next up, if you’re following all Marvel movies in order, is Avengers 2: Age Of Ultron (2015) featuring a multitude of superheroes just like the first Avengers movie from 2012, including Iron Man, Thor, the Hulk, Captain America, Black Widow and more, but no Peter Quill or anyone from the Guardians movie series yet, although Avengers 3: Infinity War (2018) and Avengers 4: Endgame (2019) both feature the entire Guardians team. Or if you just want to skip to the next true dedicated Guardians movie where Chris Pratt and his team of misfits get all the screen time, that would be Guardians Of The Galaxy 2 (2017). There’s also a Guardians 3 (2023) in case you’re going down that route.

Jupiter Ascending (2015) – Channing Tatum

Jupiter Ascending (2015)

Jupiter Ascending is an action-drama sci-fi starring Channing Tatum as an alien ex-legionnaire who is half-human half-wolf, who comes to Earth to rescue the reincarnated queen of a humanoid vampiric alien race who extend their life by breeding humans on various planets and harvesting their essence. While its story and its special effects contain plenty of sci-fi, there are clear undertones to what really goes on in this world that few people know about except those who are directly involved in it. This may make you wonder who wrote it – turns out it’s written & directed by The Wachowskis – the same pair who wrote & directed The Matrix – another movie with uncanny parallels to reality, including some very similar concepts (such as breeding humans as a resource, although in the case of The Matrix, it’s done by robots, for battery power).

Channing Tatum does a decent job acting in his role here. His performance is generally action packed, with a little drama.

Mila Kunis plays the lead female – the member of alien royalty born on earth and raised with a simple life – quite shocked when she realised she’s someone special. Her acting is so-so, she’s not really my cup of tea – to me she seems like a skin-deep minded, hot-headed drama queen rather than the feminine maiden of an action hero movie. Still, she’s not terrible.

Great to see Sean Bean play the main side-kick to Channing Tatum’s character. I once heard someone say he always adds massive value to any movie he’s in, and I can’t disagree.

Other cast members include Eddie Redmayne and Douglas Booth – the rival brothers who are both members of royalty in this alien race. They are the main antagonists in this movie and do a kind of adequate job although neither are to my taste either.

If not for so much drama and even horror genre creeping in, I would probably rate this movie as Pretty Good. First time viewers may love it. But when it comes to rewatching, if you’re only after an action hero movie, you may find the drama scenes quite tedious and spoiling the mood. So as it stands, I rate it Decent, alongside many other classic action-drama movies that just lack a smooth enough vibe and consistent enough action to warrant a higher rating even though there are many pretty strong action scenes within.

Black Adam (2022) – Dwayne Johnson and Pierce Brosnan

Black Adam (2022) starring Dwayne Johnson

Powerful music and sound effects, and a top class lead cast, make this movie emotive and enjoyable from start to finish, and easily rewatchable. There aren’t really any boring bits. It’s let down somewhat by a pair of immature, low-IQ supporting superheroes (Cyclone and Atom Smasher) but the rest of the supporting cast range from decent to excellent.

Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) is made for this role as Teth Adam / Black Adam – he performs outstandingly in this movie. Pierce Brosnan was also a great fit for his role as Doctor Fate – he also gives a very strong performance.

Aldis Hodge does quite a good job as Hawkman.

America-born ethnic-Iranian actress Sarah Shahi (real name Aahoo Jahansouzshahi) does great in her role as Isis, the benevolent researcher who found the Crown of Sabbac and set free Teth Adam.

Bodhi Sabongui does a decent job as Amon Tomaz, the son of Isis, who befriended Teth Adam.

Mohammed Amer does a decent job as Karim – he’s a bit of a camp comedian playing a semi-serious role as Isis’s brother / Amon’s uncle.

Marwan Kenzari does a good job as the research team member who was hiding his true intentions to become Sabbac – the demon tasked with delivering hell on earth.

Continued… “Black Adam (2022) – Dwayne Johnson and Pierce Brosnan”